Quinoa Omelette Bites

As you can see I am diving head-first into the bougiest of foods – first Chia seeds, then kale, and now quinoa. My roommate has this (of course) and even though it’s stupidly expensive it like makes you fly or whatever.

Anyway, this is a recipe, which you can find here:

And as you know mine is going to look exactly like the picture:

(including random-ass leaves of spinach)

What the fuck is a mini muffin tin?

Also, if you think I’m about to waste some egg yolks right now so my ass will be less voluptuous you are severely mistaken. And the other thing is that I don’t have spinach so I am going to use kale because why the fuck do they sell kale in literal bushels??

Why did my quinoa explode all over the rice cooker?

As I’m sure you predicted, I got a little over-zealous with the kale and had to add some flour and oil to make it a little more like dough, but even then, it still looks like leaves rolled in baby diarrhea.

Now I understand what a mini muffin tin is. Lol.

They taste aight but I can think of plenty of better uses for cheese like putting the block straight into my mouth


Chia Pudding

Ok why is everyone obsessed with this stuff. And honestly if I see the word Paleo again I am going to barf cheetos all over everyone.

(image from popsugar)

I’m like YAS mine is going to look like this beautiful jar of tapioca pudding.


I made this out of my roommate’s random ass bag of Chia seeds that I’m pretty sure have been in the pantry since we moved in – she’s into buying “super foods” or whatever but she never actually makes anything out of them. She calls it “grocery amnesia” – I have another name for it but in the end it’s positive for me because I can experiment with all the weird stuff she buys.

Anyway this shit is ALL OVER the internet and all those new-agey restaurants all over New York that manage to sell oatmeal for $4.99 because it’s gluten free – hate to tell you but oatmeal was always gluten free.

Anyway I figured there had to be something here because people are so into this shit – well let me tell you.

I thought I was going to have straight up dessert for breakfast and it turns out I’m that barracuda that eats Nemo’s brothers and sisters. OK yes it was easy as fuck. I used my roommate’s almond milk that she forgot about and all the recipes said “aGaVe SyRuP” or whatever so I used some leftover pancake syrup from one time my roommates thought they were going to make brunch but ended up going out because it turns out pancakes are not fun to make hungover at 2 PM on a Sunday.

This is what it looked like:

(all the spoons are in the dishwasher)

LOL. Anyway I guess it isn’t the worst thing I have ever eaten but I got McDonald’s on the way to work because it didn’t fill me up as much as it said it would, plus if I’m going to be a bougey bitch in the morning I should probably make up for it by going back to my true self.