Hello friends. It’s that time you look forward to each month, when I entreat you to the gory details of my Aunt Flo, or what I like to call “the shedding of my uterine lining” because it’s fucking 2017 and I don’t need to use a euphemism for that. Thank you very much.
I’m on my way back from said trip on the Chinatown bus, very much enjoying the man next to me melting into my seat. Is it, like, not in men’s range of emotion to pull in their excess body parts? I feel like I’m surrounded by goddamn amoebas. Get it the fuck together, men.
Am I feeling bitter, you ask? How could you tell? When I was on birth control I didn’t have a period, and now my cramps are back to being so bad that I get both sweaty and chilly like I have a fever, except I still have to go work and be surrounded by mediocre men while I do their jobs. LOL omg so fun.
At least I didn’t start my period while I was on the Chinatown bus. I can feel grateful to fake Jesus for that.
Now this dude is passed the fuck out. He’s doing that sleep apnea thing where you’re like, are you dead? And then they gasp for air and you’re like, oh I guess you’re fine. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to watch this video of a chimpanzee making a hammock and the goddamn internet is too slow. WOE IS ME!!