Times Square

I cannot goddamn believe this, but by the end of this weekend I will have been in Times Square e.v.e.r.y. d.a.y. of the week except Monday. I have two concerts this weekend, one in which I’m singing (if you call Beethoven’s Ninth singing – I call it yelling) and one in which I’m feeding rich people hors d’oeuvres. Y’all know I just looked up “hors d’oeuvres” to find out how to spell it and was filled with rage at the realization that the “r” comes after the “v.” This is like when people pronounce “chipotle” with the “l” before the “t” or when people say “marscapony.” If everyone just watched The Great British Bakeoff, this wouldn’t be happening. Also, we’d have world peace because that shit is like audiovisual Xanax.

Anyway, back to complaining. According to Wikipedia, Times Square is adorned with the nickname “the Center of the Universe,” which would make sense were these other places not also given the same nickname:

  • High Falls, New York (a place that doesn’t even have its own Wikipedia page)
  • Epping, New Hampshire, a town that is 97.08% white
  • Toronto (OK, y’all can have that one, Canada)
  • Ashland, Virginia (Their former mayor declared that this was the actual, cosmological center of the universe)
  • Magnolia, Delaware, a town with 226 people
  • Wallace, Idaho (another town declared to be the center of the universe by the mayor, who actually fucking said “Wallace MUST be the Center of the Universe because you can’t PROVE otherwise.”)
  • “Bushkill, PA a small town adjacent to parcels of abandoned property for a proposed dam on the Delaware River that was never built.” -actual Wikipedia description

Ok, that’s enough of that. Ego is fascinating, isn’t it? Luckily, I live in New York City, a place that mercilessly beats the shit out of your ego with seemingly no end. See exhibit A:



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