Fabio & Me

Did y’all know that one time Fabio rode a roller coaster and got hit in the face by a goose?

Sometimes I feel just like Fabio on that fateful day. I’ve come to the understanding that my life is roller-coaster-esque – I celebrate the ups with as much zeal as possible while bracing myself for the lows with a firm grip – and then a fucking goose hits me in the face. I didn’t factor in the goose when my ass first trembled in the roller coaster’s cold, plastic seat. I didn’t factor in the goose when the pock-faced boy in the throes of awkward adolescence pressed the protective bar a little too snugly into my fat rolls. And I certainly didn’t factor in the goose when my goddamned nose was smashed by a goddamned goose.

By the way, here is the entry in Wikipedia for this momentous occasion:
“On March 30, 1999, a goose hit Fabio and died when he was on a roller coaster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg, located in James County, Virginia. Fabio rode in the first car of Apollo’s Chariot, a roller coaster, during its inaugural ride. During the rapid descent on the 210-foot drop after the lift hill, a goose collided with Fabio, leaving his nose covered in blood. Fabio received a one-inch cut but no one else on the roller coaster was hurt. He was later treated at a local hospital for the cut. That same year, he started his website.”

The world is so full of magic.

I guess all I need to do this year in order to merit a Wikipedia entry is start my website – I think I can do that.

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