I hit a milestone today – I had some of my clothes dry cleaned! Actually, I hit two milestones – the second one was sending clothes back to be dry cleaned again. My shit is so stank-nasty that the first round didn’t do the trick. And by the way, when I went in and gave them the coat back, I was like, “This smells bad.” Not “This still smells bad,” which more accurately lays the blame on the person whose closet is so dank that her clothes need to be dry cleaned twice in a row to be wearable. This being the same person who is twenty-four years old, has been in the work force for ten years, and has never dry cleaned her own clothing.

Just realized I’m like halfway through this debate and I haven’t written anything about it. Whatevsos, I can’t be stressed about it right now because I just came from IKEA! Maybe it makes me America’s Whitest Woman, but Ikea feels like my home away from home. TBH, my apartment is my home away from Ikea. Ikea is extra special in New York because it’s the only chain store here that isn’t a cesspool of human detritus sent directly from the fiery chasm of hell’s jagged teeth.

Speaking of cesspools, detritus, and hell, Donald Trump is pissing me the fuck off right now. This election is a constant barrage of insults right in the face of every woman in this country. I mean, existing as a woman is a constant barrage of insults, but somehow it’s different watching it all unfold against this country’s most qualified female politician. What can I even say? It’s demoralizing as shit.

Luckily I’m feeling literally #blessed because all the Jews in my neighborhood are asking “Are you Jewish?” to any white person with reasonably brown hair in order to give as many wandering Jews the chance to say the blessings for Sukkot. I myself had the fortune to find myself shaking the lulav and etrog in the shoe repair place while garbage truck stink wafted in through the door.

Wandering Jew (also, me)

Anyway, I realize this post is long and meandering and not on topic whatsoever. Bye!



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