Any time you’re feeling particularly broke-down or inept at adulthood, just remember that I use a 5 euro bill that I forgot to exchange when I came back from Ireland over a year ago to pick my teeth at work instead of just bringing toothpicks like a human being. And just to (somehow) top that, I’ve misplaced it.
Do you ever see a kid on the street having a massive tantrum and on the outside you make a face like, “Gee whiz, kids are so rowdy,” but on the inside you’re like, “Goddamn kid, you know what’s up. You know this world is a balloon full of period farts and you’re not afraid to say it” and then “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel starts playing in your head?
I guess it goes without saying that I’m not having a great day today. My roommate asked me if I dyed my hair, probably because I went the entire weekend without showering and this is the first time she’s seen it without the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that was my head prior to showering this morning.
To top it all off, I committed the grave error of adding Brussels. Sprouts. to my fucking salad. What the hell was I thinking?