Because of stupid fucking Google. And when I say Stupid Fucking Google, it’s in the spirit of my blog’s name and not because I think Google is stupid or fucking, because I would never say that about you Google, even if I thought you didn’t monitor all of my (and everyone else’s) behavior all day constantly.
Anyway, I don’t cook anymore because of my big fat baby mouth that Google throws free food into all day, but I still write and I’ve realized recently that this needs to become an actual part of my life and not a half-assed thing that I do in between rewatching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and looking up ways to stop being so gassy.
Seeing as New York is *on trend* right now because of that bomb and stuff, and seeing as I live here all the time even though it sucks almost all the time, sometimes writing about all the shitty things that are so ridiculous they would only happen on The Onion makes it feel a little less horrible and more funny (like, the other day when I was riding my bike home from work an ACTUAL REAL LIVE RAT leapt from a construction site and started SPRINTING NEXT TO ME LIKE WE WERE GOT-DAMNED EXERCISE PARTNERS! In these moments, you truly lift your head to the heavens and say, “Hey, God? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”).
So I will continue to write in this blog, which may not always be comedy considering how annoyed I am all the time, because I need the practice. Feel free to critique, throw pies, fart on my pillow, or send me potted plants.